Your Questions About Fear Of Relationships Phobia

Is this a logical fear of relationships, or a true phobia?

Hi, and thanks for reading

**I tried this in another section but didn’t get an answer–so I’m trying again to see what y’all think.

I have had HORRIBLE relationships in the past, and each time one of them ends, I build up more and more walls that take forever to break down, and once the person I’m with breaks down those walls, they pretty much spit in my face and do what I was afraid of them doing in the first place. Needless to say, I’m getting more and more cautious and more and more concerned about this because it seems that I have fallen into a pattern of choosing (without initial knowledge) emotionally unavailable guys. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but if I were to write you a list of things they had in common (personality-wise), it’d be astounding. Subconsciously, I’m pretty certain that I look for guys with certain indicators of unavailability because I know they won’t commit fully and the relationship has a guaranteed expiration date; I have never been interested in the fully available guys who seek marriage and children…in all honesty, they scare me. I’ve been in relationships with guys like that before and I intentionally sabotaged the relationship and either made them break up with me, or I broke up with them for no reason. It hurt like hell, and I cried–but in all honesty, I feel “right” after break-ups; it’s a sense of relief, even if I miss the person dearly. I used to think I was some sort of emotional masochist, but I think it’s more to it than that. And I know this probably sounds like it has “daddy issues” written all over it, and maybe I do have those issues to an extent, but I think it goes much deeper than that too.

I have really close male friends, but they’re all guys I’ve grown up with and have known since elementary school and they’re pretty much like my brothers and they consider me one of the guys. I make it a point not to make new male friends or acquaintances because I don’t want them to fall for me and I don’t want to fall for them either. I HATE dating and I never take my friends up on their offers to hook me up with one of their friends or cousins etc. The mere thought of dating and showing yet another person my inner-self makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable. When I AM thrown into situations where I meet new people–like, if I go out with friends and I am approached by a guy, even if I find him attractive–I intentionally do things to turn him off. I’ll be really cold and aloof, I busy myself with my phone and/or I pretend that I don’t speak English (and talk to him in either Spanish or French) all in an effort to get him to go away. I come up with a million and one things that could be wrong with the guy, just so I don’t feel guilty about what I did. I have a notion that the majority of men are liars and cheaters and that if they’re hitting on me then they’re only doing it to get in my pants and have no real desire for a true relationship, and therefore they deserve to be shot down and dismissed as quickly as possible. I’m often labeled as a “B*tch,” and I really don’t find it offensive. I’m GLAD they have that perception of me.

Sometimes I get really lonely and I long for companionship…but it’s a fleeting desire. I see no point in dating because I don’t see myself ever being married–I actually don’t even believe in marriage at all. Don’t get me wrong; I look at people in love, and I admire what they have, and I used to daydream about that sort of thing happening for me…but I don’t anymore. I just see more and more school and building a very successful career. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be in love or have someone love me, but I’m too scared, and I don’t have the energy to put forth the effort.

Is it possible that I’ve been so badly hurt that I’ve developed philophobia? But if that’s that case, all the hurt I’ve sustained has been in some way caused by me…is possible to have a phobia that stemmed from events that YOU created in your own life?

I realize that anyone who’s been hurt is going to have some apprehension about dating thereafter…but I think/know that my case is a bit irrational/extreme, at least in my opinion.

Is this philophobia or is this relatively “normal” behavior?

**sorry this was so long, but I just had to get it out. Thanks to those of you who’ve taken the time to read all this and answer honestly. I appreciate it.

What is the SCIENTIFIC phobia name for a fear of intimacy or relationships?

like claustrophobia or angoraphobia. Plz be legit, thanks!!

I have a HUGE phobia/fear of making out with someone! :/?

I’m not like a goodie goodie or anything at all. i am not scared of sex, getting fingered, and all that. but i have this HUGE fear of making out, like i have so many oppurtunites but 1) i just like can not make out. and please dont say that ‘im not ready’ because i am fine with everything else. it is just like being so close to that person, ahh even right now im so scared. i feel the only way i could make out is if i were drunk. IDK lasdjflsh maybe if I tried making out with my best guy friend first? i wouldn’t feel awkward or something?
idk,just how can I get over this fear/phobia of this.
oh and another question
2)I have a huge fear of relationships too :/
how can i get over that?

Relationship phobia? I have a fear of intimacy, but I want it… but then I don’t? Help?

I’m not sure when this started… but it’s been going on for years. I am 17 years old and I really do not hang out with people. I stopped hanging out with my friend a month ago because I kept on standing her up and I’ve assumed that she got sick of it. I really wasn’t up to doing anything activities wise with her. Also, I feel like I’m suffocating when I am in an intimate relationship. I want to be with them, but then I want to run away. How do I solve this? I want to actually stop staying in my house all the time. I’m out-going, but I don’t do much.

How do you get over a phobia of relationships?

I found out a few months ago that I have a phobia of relationships. Like all relationships, with family, friends, guys. I developed it after loosing my dad who I was really close with at a really young age. I remember when he passed away that I told myself I would never let anyone else in because it hurt too much to loose them. I never actually wanted to not be able to let people in, but I didn’t understand when I was that young.

I had the phobia removed but I still freak out when someone tries to get close to me (Not physically, I mean emotionally, mentally and what not). In this case I’m talking about relationships with guys.

I’ve had boyfriends but they’ve never been extremely serious and I always held them at arms length. I find it difficult to let guys in, I’m 20 and I’ve finished studying so I don’t really get to meet many people. But when I do meet guys I immediately put a wall up and act polite, I don’t actually try to get to know them or let them get to know me.

I realised what I was doing so I tried to stop it. I started to date a guy but I found that while I did like him I never really liked him a lot like I never got butterflies and I was never excited to see him plus I got nervous around him and freaked out mentally wondering what he was thinking or what he wanted do. I’m a virgin and to be honest I feel embarrassed about that so I also freak out because I realise that I have to tell any guy that I go out with. And it scares me that they will change their mind about me because, well, you know how guys are at this age and feel about all of that. Anyway, so I broke it off with him because I just didn’t like him enough.

I keep wondering if that’s me freaking out and I never really completely gave him a chance and never gave myself a chance to get butterflies for him. Or maybe I freak out because I know I don’t like him that much to get butterflies and what not and all I’m doing is pushing myself to try and like him because I can’t tell the difference from not liking the guy or the phobia that is now only a fear.

How am I supposed to fall for someone if I’m always worried about the phobia and fears of getting in a relationship? I mean I really want to like someone, I really want a relationship, it’s lonely when you’ve been single for so long and all your friends have partners. But I just can’t seem to like anyone that I only just meet, I need to know them and spend time with them without the pressure of wondering where it will go or if I’m leading him on etc.

How do I get rid of these fears?!