Donna asks…
How much of an affect does losing women in my life have on my POV of relationships?
I’ve lost almost all the important women in my life: My mom (cancer), my older sister (drugs), my recent ex, and my younger sister is barely holding on. And although he isn’t a woman, my father abandoned me too. I now find it difficult to ever want another close bond with women (relationship), I guess out of fear of being heartbroken. What do I do?
HBIC – BOTH, I’m afraid to open up out of fear of being dropped after investing feelings.
Wow, these are all GREAT advice. Thanks guys.
Lukes Love Life answers:
It can have a massive affect on your psyche, you may get to the point (if you’re not already there) where you don’t want to let anyone in anymore for fear of being abandoned. Its human nature to crave companionship, if you ignore your need for meaningful relationships and start to “shut out” people completely it will only make things worse (trust me I know). Try to remember hun, that your mother didn’t abandon you she was ill and in my opinion the same goes for your older sister she too has an illness that is keeping her away from you. If your little sister is “barely hanging on” then perhaps you can “tighten your grip”on the relationship by reaching out to her more often.
Keep your heart open and welcome new relationships, don’t punish the next woman in your life for the mistakes of your ex. Who knows, the next girl may really be in love with you and be “the one” ^_~.
Helen asks…
Possibly one of the many reasons men fear a relationship with women…what do you think?
Men…Some of us fear marriage because of financial troubles, correct? Let’s build and play with that piece of fiction/non-fiction a bit…
Is it possible to say that some men refuse to marry or even DATE a female (teen, woman, whatever) is because of the fear with women who use a baby as a means of getting a…”Free lunch with cake” so to speak? Is it possible for a woman to make the decision that she will turn her duty as a mother into a “Job” by forcing you to pay some outstanding child support?
Your thoughts 
.
Elf #3. Not all women are saints. Besides responbility lies with both parties. He should use a condom as well the woman. I don’t see why responbility lies with just the man. And no this isn’t a result of me spending so much time on GWS . This is a result of this actually happening in real life. Again, not all women are saints as well as men
Lukes Love Life answers:
The question sounds like your expecting a divorce even before you are married.
If you take your time and really check her out before you marry her, the odds are that you will have a good marriage. Find out how she treats a man first. If she treats you good you will want to treat her good. This normally leads to a good and life time marriage. If she doesn’t treat you good then you will not want to treat her good. This normally means a divorce is in the future. If you marry a feminist, the odds are that she will divorce you because men can never fully please a feminist.
Don’t jump from bed to bed. Take your time and you will find that right woman who wants to be you wife and lover. A woman who will treat you so good you will not want to lose her. You will treat her so good that she will not want to lose you and she will treat you with respect and love. These women are out there. You just have to be choosy. If you even think she is acting like a feminist, RUN!!!!!!!!!
Chris asks…
Why do women assume a man has been hurt simply because he pionts out the dangers of relationships with women??
I asked a similar a similar question and got this answer:
Question:
Why do women always assume a man is hurt when he points out the hypocritical actions of women??
Answer:
Because there are many very happy relationships out there, where mothers encouraged their sons to marry, and they lived happily ever after. So, if a man has such a biased negative attitude, it has to be that something negative has happened in his life.
This reasoning is inaccurate, self centered, not based in fact it is based in blinded denial as well as wishful thinking.
Half of marriages end in divorce there for at best you can say that half live happily ever after and half dont. And even that is debatable.
If I never had a relationship with a women but observed how they act and look at the success of longterm relationships a man could easily have a guarded view without having had a relationship with a woman.
This is the same type of selfish denial that has lead women away from the truth in the past. Having a healthy fear of women in safe and logical.
Lukes Love Life answers:
We all have our own biases just like you do. You could easily change this from women to men. It works both ways. Maybe you are right that we should have a healthy fear of each other and maybe that is a key factor behind successful marriages that no one really seems to discuss. I think I have a fear that is healthy regarding my husband. I think he has one of me as well. He’s been married before and I haven’t. I waited until I was 32 to get married. It wasn’t something I wanted to rush into. Some men are too fearful of women. I have known men like this that grew up in a volatile home with an abusive mother. One of them seemed to date women that had real problems. I think he was attracted to the drama. He’s a very creative and insightful person. He didn’t get the drama with me. But really it comes down to individual choices. It’s up to you how you choose to live your life. If you are happy then there isn’t a problem. If other people notice a problem and care about you then it might be wise to at least consider the possibility. We are not omnicient.
George asks…
Do women stay in abusive relationships because of a fear of being alone?
Lukes Love Life answers:
In most cases, as psychology has shown, most women (or anyone for that matter) who stay in abusive relationships are victims of childhood abuse, and therefore tend to continually repeat the known process of what is familiar or comfortable to them.
They are also raised to “not respect” himself. And it is common to be smashed REPEATEDLY each time a woman does (look at how society responds to strong women), or called names. It’s a catch 22. Damned if you, and damned if you don’t kinda thing.
Also, for the most part women are raised to endure a certain amount of “understanding” before we are taught to have boundaries and taught what is acceptable and what is NOT.
So, its not that women want to stay in an abusive relationship, it’s more like this:
1) Often times, women are not raised to know that abuse is or were raised in that kind of environment so it appears to be “normal” and therefore are unable to distinguish the “warning” signs of it, or the abuse at all.
2)Because of this most are repeated victims (survivors really) who are unaware of their self-worth.
3) Because of that, its common for victims to be “internalizers” and blame the abusers actions on himself- “if i had just done this, or that” “its my fault” etc… SO they stick around thinking it’s their “job” to fix things or that they can, and/or responsible for their partners behavior, feelings of deserving it etc…
4) In most cases, abuse does not even become apparent for what can be a very long time. Predators will literally “seek” out the vulnerabilities in people and latch onto those. It is only when they “have you’ or think they do, does who they really are come out. By then, the detachment process is VERY ,VERY difficult.
Mark asks…
Why do gay men/women fear heartbreak from a relationship with someone bisexual?
I’ve seen a lot of conversation from gay men/women who says that they can’t be in a relationship with a person who is bisexual. They say that they wouldn’t want to risk being heart broken by a person who could ‘jump the fence’. This mentality is odd to me because it suggests that the gay person would not be heart broken if their lover ended the relationship for another gay relationship but they would be if the relationship was hetrosexual. It’s as if the impression is that gay men/women are more committed than bisexual ones. I can understand gay men/women fearing the lust issue that many bisexuals carry (myself included); I can understand gay men/women feeling that mentality detrimental to the popular opinion gays and promiscuity. I’m curious about this issue. What is the fear or dislike gays have towards bisexualism? Or is there one at all?
I am a bisexual woman in a long term relationship with a bisexual man. Neither of us have a fear of the other dissolving the relationship to be with a member of the opposite sex as we both are ONLY physically bisexual.
This topic interests me because from conversation, it would seem that the idea is that when a person enjoys relationships with both sexes he/she will similtaneously want to with both sexs, ignoring the committment of the relationship. So then, does that mean that bisexuals can’t be in committed relationships whereas outright gays can? As ignorant as it may be, growing up, this is the same argument I heard about gays- that they’re promiscuous and can’t be in committed relationships. To me, it seems as the hate gays faced, they’re dishing out to who should be brothers/sisters within the community.
Lukes Love Life answers:
When my ex and I would break things off she would always jump to a guy then come back to me, it was confusing, still is. I know she said it was easier to be with a guy because of where we live, but to me this is no reason. It is easier mentally on a person to stick to your guns, everything else gets confusing. Another thing, it’s better to think that a person already knows what they want. This is just my experience from the confusion brought to me. It was hard to think about how I could compete, too. I think I would rather be with a pure lesbian, but there aren’t many where I live or elsewhere in this world. I say good day.
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