Mary asks…
should i change my counsellor? therapist?
Now I have had 5 years history of sexual abuse which affected my relationships, career and Other things. i had all built up inside me till yesterday. i am 24 now living in mumbai, India, i was abused when i was 11 – 15. I thought that it was better the consult the Psychologists. so i went to one.
Now here’s what happened
I was told my many that u can be yourself in front of a counsellor. so i thought i would be straight forward and honest with him. he look from a well to do family, good background. overall a counsellor with 10 years of exp in it.
as i started mentioning my incidents …he kept on asking me in questions as to whether i enjoyed etc.how many people are there in my life .. how are my relations with them. what do i want to do with my career. what has my dad to say all about it. does aNyone else know about it. do i have mood swings. what do i do in weekends. how much do i drink . what do i do during normal days etc.. ..in short he kept asking small small questions when i was mentioning my life and abuse .After i let out all the things that were holding me back and were affecting me.. i was expecting an advise from me. but he never gave me one. Instead he told me that ” I need to conducts some few tests on you to determine as to how sexual abuse has affected you. We are here to Help you and you are just 24 . we dont want you to waste your whole life”.
MMPI – 1000 bucks ( its in rupees.. I guess it would be 20 dollars in the US)… But please Ignore the curreny difference
Thematic ApperceptionTest – 1000 bucks
Rorshahch Test – 1000 BUCKs
MAP TESt – 850 bukcs
RBM or BBM test – 550 bucks
WALS oor something like that – 1000 bucks
are this normal Charge
and than he listed down a series of 10 tests on a paper and told me to start on monday and continue alternate day till the tests are done . Its an one and half an hour tests each one. he told me each tests would conduct 1000 bucks and has to be completed in max 3 weeks time. 10000 bucks in total. which is quite a lot. i can afford it. Money is not the issue
but the thing bothering me is to whether this counsellor is just a money minded businessman or do every Pyhscologists recommend
this and put every patient through it.
should i Look for other Counsellor or is this one is good enough?
Lukes Love Life answers:
I honestly think that you should change counselors. Not because this man isn’t doing a good job- every counselor is different, but just the fact that you have no trust and no comfort- says a lot. Being in counseling means that you have to be open and relaxed with the person you’re paying to give you advice, so this whole uncomfort zone is defeating the purpose of your visit.
I sincerely hope you feel better about everything.. And take care 
Betty asks…
What course would I have to study at University?
I want to be a Sex Therapist. I have researched the career and it sounds like the one for me but I don’t know what course I need to study to specialize in ‘Sexual and Relationship Therapy’
Lukes Love Life answers:
You need a MSc in Sex Therapy.
Sheffield Hallam offers it: http://www.shu.ac.uk/prospectus/course/388/
You will need a Bachelor’s degree in a field such as Psychology or Social Work.
Sandra asks…
should i continue counselling witht his Physcologist? therapist?
Now I have had 5 years history of sexual abuse which affected my relationships, career and Other things. i had all built up inside me till yesterday. i am 24 now living in mumbai, India, i was abused when i was 11 – 15. I thought that it was better the consult the Psychologists. so i went to one.
Now here’s what happened
I was told my many that u can be yourself in front of a counsellor. so i thought i would be straight forward and honest with him. he look from a well to do family, good background. overall a counsellor with 10 years of exp in it.
as i started mentioning my incidents …he kept on asking me in questions as to whether i enjoyed etc.how many people are there in my life .. how are my relations with them. etc.. After i let out all the things that were holding me back and were affecting me.. i was expecting an advise from me. but he never gave me one. Instead he told me that ” I need to conducts some few tests on you to determine as to how sexual abuse has affected you. We are here to Help you and you are just 24 . we dont want you to waste your whole life”.
and than he listed down a series of 10 tests on a paper and told me to go through it on monday . Its an one and half an hour tests each one. he told me each tests would conduct 1000 bucks and has to be done in max 3 weeks time. 10000 bucks in total. which is quitw a lot. i can afford it.
but the thing bothering me is to whether this counsellor is just a money minded businessman or do every Pyhscologists recommend this and put every patient through it.
should i Look for other Counsellor or is this one is good enough?
Lukes Love Life answers:
The questions he asked you seem pretty standard, but I have never heard of any tests costing that much each. I know that going to see a psychologist is expensive, but I had no idea they could charge that much for simple tests. I haven’t been to a psychologist since I was 10, but I know my family did not have that kind of money at the time so it probably wasn’t THAT expensive.
I would try getting a second opinion if I were you. Other psychologists may be cheaper. Can’t hurt to look for other options right?
Good luck
Steven asks…
I have asked this before .. i will ask again.. should i change my therapist?
Now I have had 5 years history of sexual abuse which affected my relationships, career and Other things. i had all built up inside me till yesterday. i am 24 now living in mumbai, India, i was abused when i was 11 – 15. I thought that it was better the consult the Psychologists. so i went to one.
Now here’s what happened
I was told my many that u can be yourself in front of a counsellor. so i thought i would be straight forward and honest with him. he look from a well to do family, good background. overall a counsellor with 10 years of exp in it.
as i started mentioning my incidents …he kept on asking me in questions as to whether i enjoyed etc.how many people are there in my life .. how are my relations with them. what do i want to do with my career. what has my dad to say all about it. does aNyone else know about it. do i have mood swings. what do i do in weekends. how much do i drink . what do i do during normal days etc.. ..in short he kept asking small small questions when i was mentioning my life and abuse .After i let out all the things that were holding me back and were affecting me.. i was expecting an advise from me. but he never gave me one. Instead he told me that ” I need to conducts some few tests on you to determine as to how sexual abuse has affected you. We are here to Help you and you are just 24 . we dont want you to waste your whole life”.
MMPI – 1000 bucks ( its in rupees.. I guess it would be 20 dollars in the US)… But please Ignore the curreny difference
Thematic ApperceptionTest – 1000 bucks
Rorshahch Test – 1000 BUCKs
MAP TESt – 850 bukcs
RBM or BBM test – 550 bucks
WALS oor something like that – 1000 bucks
are this normal Charge
and than he listed down a series of 10 tests on a paper and told me to start on monday and continue alternate day till the tests are done . Its an one and half an hour tests each one. he told me each tests would conduct 1000 bucks and has to be completed in max 3 weeks time. 10000 bucks in total. which is quite a lot. i can afford it. Money is not the issue
but the thing bothering me is to whether this counsellor is just a money minded businessman or do every Pyhscologists recommend
this and put every patient through it.
should i Look for other Counsellor or is this one is good enough?
Lukes Love Life answers:
I am not even going to pretend to read that.
If you are comfortable and think you can work well with him, then keep him! If you think you are throwing money into the wind, then dump him. Therapists/counselors/psychiatrists all can be very different. You have to find out who you work well with, thats all.
Good luck to you
Michael asks…
i have asked this before .. i will ask again.. should i change my therapist?
Now I have had 5 years history of sexual abuse which affected my relationships, career and Other things. i had all built up inside me till yesterday. i am 24 now living in mumbai, India, i was abused when i was 11 – 15. I thought that it was better the consult the Psychologists. so i went to one.
Now here’s what happened
I was told my many that u can be yourself in front of a counsellor. so i thought i would be straight forward and honest with him. he look from a well to do family, good background. overall a counsellor with 10 years of exp in it.
as i started mentioning my incidents …he kept on asking me in questions as to whether i enjoyed etc.how many people are there in my life .. how are my relations with them. what do i want to do with my career. what has my dad to say all about it. does aNyone else know about it. do i have mood swings. what do i do in weekends. how much do i drink . what do i do during normal days etc.. ..in short he kept asking small small questions when i was mentioning my life and abuse .After i let out all the things that were holding me back and were affecting me.. i was expecting an advise from me. but he never gave me one. Instead he told me that ” I need to conducts some few tests on you to determine as to how sexual abuse has affected you. We are here to Help you and you are just 24 . we dont want you to waste your whole life”.
MMPI – 1000 bucks ( its in rupees.. I guess it would be 20 dollars in the US)… But please Ignore the curreny difference
Thematic ApperceptionTest – 1000 bucks
Rorshahch Test – 1000 BUCKs
MAP TESt – 850 bukcs
RBM or BBM test – 550 bucks
WALS oor something like that – 1000 bucks
are this normal Charge
and than he listed down a series of 10 tests on a paper and told me to start on monday and continue alternate day till the tests are done . Its an one and half an hour tests each one. he told me each tests would conduct 1000 bucks and has to be completed in max 3 weeks time. 10000 bucks in total. which is quite a lot. i can afford it. Money is not the issue
but the thing bothering me is to whether this counsellor is just a money minded businessman or do every Pyhscologists recommend
this and put every patient through it.
should i Look for other Counsellor or is this one is good enough?
Lukes Love Life answers:
A therapist or counselor is there to guide you, but in the end it is you who will have to resolve your issues. They cannot reduce any of the pain, nor can they pull a trick out of their hat to cure you “instantly”. The only exception to that is they might try prescribing drugs to you or ask you to see someone who can. If you have absorbed everything they can advise you about your issues and how to proceed with resolving them, then any further sessions can only add their influence of conversing with you, which can be done by anyone (i.e. Friend, acquaintance, etc.). They are there to help yes, but they also have a paycheck to worry about. So that’s about it. The next step I think for you is to communicate with others who had similar experiences. You can even find some on YA Groups. Separate yourself from those who did the things that disturbed and hurt you. Hanging around them, even if they are sorry and you forgive them, is detrimental to you more than you know. Hang around a new group of people, or even move if you must. Save your money and spend it on a hobby, one that at least on occasion includes other people. I like to kayak. It’s great fun, therapeutic and doesn’t cost a lot. Healing takes time.
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