Your Questions About Relationships Helpline

relationship recovery helpline?

hi everyone ive came out a relationship of my heart been torn too bits my gf lost her baby not long then i lost my gf she done some things to rip my heart out, am in the uk u know there is a helpline for sex advice,drugs is there any helplines in the uk that could help me and try and build my confidence back up really low the now

I emailed a helpline for eating disorders. What do they mean by this and what should I do?

So I emailed them, they emailed me back.

They said that they cannot diagnose me (which I understand), then says that some things I’ve said are of concern to them. They also said that it sounds as though I have a difficult relationship with food and eating and have a negative perception of myself.

So.. Are they saying I have a problem?

should i phone the helpline again after this ? i feel frightened to now….?

heres what happened to me days ago :

Barred, blocked from phoning the samaritans – how should i deal with it?
i live alone in a small one bedroom flat, i own no possessios except a computer.

im 30 years old and have borderline personality disorder and ptsd – ive had a very tough life so far and never built up any support network – never formed any relationships or ‘ ever ‘ been employed.

im waiting for therapy.

many times i have phoned the helpline the samaritans – its like a suicide helpline but you can talk about other problems and whats bothering you..

many, many times i ring out of loneliness and despair, especially at night & i get that emptiness feeling and i feel alone with my thoughts and i feel the need to hear a human voice.

last night i got a shock when i phoned the usual branch, and after a few minutes the lady said ‘ ive spoke to you before ‘

” you keep ringing the samaritans ” and ” your barred, your numbers been logged and other branches have been informed ”

she said ” your blocking the line for genuine serious callers who are suicidle & need someone to talk to ”
she even said ” they know who my phone service provider is and to stop rining the branch ive been barred ”

i really was shocked and upset, i did make a habit of ringing regularley but only because i was lonely.

the other branch of the samaritans i rang told me ‘ they wasnt aware that id been bared or blocked ‘ but they ‘ said they can do that if they get persistent nuisance callers or callers that waste time ”.
the lady told me ” that we can take legal action if i kept ringing because im abusing the service but at the moment they hadnt done but i should stop ringing because i just want to talk and talk about the same stuff and im not suicidle and im blocking the line for people who are ”

she said ” were not here for a chat- were here to talk to people who are suicidle and genuinly in despair ”

so i said fine and hung up- but now i feel worried that its gone on some kind of ‘ record ‘
i have a long mental health record a minor criminal record going back 8 years and i dont wanna think after im trying to recover and get my life together that something else has gone on a record or that i got another record for something.

what does anyone think ?

i feel bad about myself , i lost it with rage at the helpline volunteers?

ive had a very hard , misfortunate life of abuse , im now 31 , ive missed out on a normal life of building relationships, working , having qualifications etc.

im still sadly, not getting the right help or care or therapy from the mental health services…..they are neglecting me, like they have done all my life….and with my mother , im having to fight for the support and help i need….make complaints etc..

ive lived in a 1 bedroom apartment for 6 years on disability , doing very well controlling my rage……….rage has been the biggest problem in my life….stemming from all the abuse i suffered.

i used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public and lash out at people….pick fights….lose it….attack objects……growl at people with clenched teeth……..felt paranoid people were ostracizing me etc.

ive been very lucky in the past…being cautioned my police….being attacked by strangers.

ive done well controlling the rage for many years without help…..i have BPD and ptsd and ocd symptoms as well.

i find my life very frustrating….very agitating etc…feel stigmatized….still havent recovered from all the abuse i suffered….need a lot of therapy.

i work hard on my rage……but still struggle….struggle to be confident and assert myself at times…….get easily offended…….sensitive to what people say and do……easily angry.

many times when im depressed and lonely in my dark apartment i ring the crisis helpline……sometimes i get very smug……condescending goading…..volunteers…….who talk down to me…….play mind tricks……in their patronizing english tones.

and along with the severe life ive suffered, sometimes thats all it takes to spark the fire………thats enough provocation………like they know me…because i ring often and talk about my life problems……and they undermine me, and question the reason for why ive called..

then i let rip like i did last night , shouting, growling agressive threats down the phone of graphic violence…….because i was so angry…….when im like that i cant even articulate myself….

they laugh.,…or hang up on me………then i go away feeling bad like ive let myself down……..because i work so hard on controlling my rage…….and in the past , ive had some near misses..

how can i handle the guilt i feel at losing it again ?

and worrying if they the helpline have something on me ?

no one cares about me- authority figures are aloof, abrupt & dismissive towards me, whats going on ?

what should i do? and on top of that i have and have always had ‘ very ‘ low self worth, im clingy, unselfassured, needy…..ive always been rejected in my life and never built up ‘ any ‘ relationships in life ever..

people from doctors, receptionists, helpline workers, consultant dermatologists are all abrupt, dismissive and aloof toward me like they have something personal against me..

this has been going on for a long time this behaviour but i have tried to ignore it.

ive had to be re-refered to see another dermatologist because the one i saw last wednesday about my skin complain ( cracked skin on the head of my penis which is pronounced )
just dismissed me….was aloof and abrupt towards me…..told me there was nothing wrong…wouldnt even investigate my problem…or let me speak. and rushed me through the appointment.

i had the same behaviour towards me at my last doctors surgery and had to move because of it, there was a bad attitude towards me.

and on top of that
my contacts on yahoo answers, a few who i value, and got to like….have just stopped contacting me….dont answer my questions…..dont email me…..and i thought id made some friends here.

im scared to reciprocate or contact them because im so terrified of rejection as i have always have been.

so i feel abandoned by everyone and the few internet friends i have except 1 very good friend who i thankgod for..

and ontop of all this here is the other problems i have which ive had all my life that im coping with :
i have prematurely aged at the 3o due to a hard life and stress.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd- i feel i look a physical wreck, im bald, my skin looks colorless, dull, pasty, open pores…rough skin, dark deep lines under my eyes stretching to my cheek bones…i feel my eyes look like dark caverns.

my other physical imperfections are: i have 2 missing teeth, at the front, bottom row due to an accident years ago..

a crooked little finger that droops over due to an injury months ago…doesnt straiten even with a splint put on for weeks.

cracked skin, tears in the skin on the head of my penis that im waiting to see a dermatologist about…….openings in the skin that are pronounced all over the head.
torn ankle ligaments, it clicks when i move it, i have to be careful how i walk on it because i can twist it easy and go sprawling over on it– i will need surgery on it.

whilst having my ankle examined i was told i was flat footed, i was given insoles.

but whats really concerning me is my physical appearence, my face, the aging, dark lines, facial skin etc.

my facial skin looks colorless, dull, pasty, without a glow or vibrancy.

How do i cope with the fact ive prematurely aged at 30 years old due to a hard life and stress ?
i have never built up any relationships in life with either male or female because of the trauma and mental health problems i sustained.

growing up and throughout my life i have been bullied severley….ive suffered assaults, muggings…time in a psyche hospital……homelessness…survived alot of horrible thangs..

ive never been employed, never had qualifications….and have been on welfare benifit the majority of my life.

i suffer with extreme low self worth but iam also very vain in my mind.

i have physical imperfections that get me down, ive aged prematurley…dark lines under my eyes….im bald….i have 2 missing teeth, front, bottom row…need implants, which are expensive.
i have physical worries im having investigated at the moment…aching joints, frequent urination.
i recentley met a cute, chubby ginger haired girl from kansas via myspace, i added her to msn messenger and have sent her a couple of emails which she has responded keenly to…….recently she said she cant wait to have a ‘ live ‘ chat through instant messenger…….problem is shes never seen me…..doesnt no all these things about me…..and im scared of her rejecting me once she finds out the truth.