Steven asks…
I am having problems trusting men after my divorce.?
Can someone give me advice on how to move on and how can I not see men as just out to hurt me? I am the mother of a son, that needs a positive mother in his life. I don’t want to warp his views on relationships.Thanks in advance!
Lukes Love Life answers:
The problem is not that you distrust men.
The problem is that you distrust yourself to choose GOOD men. And you’re probably right to do so.
Get yourself a moral compass, instead of just following your heart. When you learn how to better distinguish good from evil, you’ll be more fit to raise your son properly.
Michael asks…
Problem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce…?
So, I’ve been divorced for a while now. Heartbreaking I know. I wanted to be divorced, but if you’ve been divorced you know that just going through it is heartbreaking enough. Anyway. I am in love again. I love my boyfriend dearly, he is amazing, and my best friend, and makes me so happy. However, I can’t help but feel like things between him and I are going to “blow up” for lack of a better term. My ex-husband and I were very much in love when we first got together too, and it took a long time before I realized I no longer wanted to be married to him (reasons I won’t get into).
When I was with my ex, in the begining, I would think about how I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him, and of course that didn’t work out. I’m starting to have a similar feeling now, but it’s more like; I love spending my life with my bf now. I can’t shake the fear of comitting to him and possibly end up going through another divorce.
How have you coped with the fear of getting into another comitted relationship after the heartbreak of break up or divorce from someone you truly cared about?
Lukes Love Life answers:
Your feelings here are quite normal, and with time they will disappear. Majority of couples that I have helped over many years have stated that it takes on average about two years before they were able to move onto another committed normal relationship. So given enough time, you too will change and be able to committ again and move on. Good luck
Ruth asks…
Why is my boyfriends sister having problems with our relationship now after six months?
I am a woman in her late 40′s dating a man of the same age, we have known each other over 30 years. We recently entered into an exclusive relationship, and are engaged. Suddenly, his sister with who he lived with after a divorce is doing everything in her power to break us up. Including staging scenes where she knows there will be conflict. So far it has not worked, he is very upset with her, but my question is why would a grown indepent woman not want her brother to be happy. We are both independent, finacially secure people. All of our kids are grown, we are both divorced. It is a healthy relationship for both of us and progressing very well. Not too fast, we have paced our selves, we are not rushing into marriage, we do live together, he just moved in with me a month ago after us dating for six months, long distance. She treats me like I am an invader now, but at first she really seemed to like me. I know this is an odd question for an adult but I need help here.
Lukes Love Life answers:
Maybe his sis misses the money that he forked over to her, and wishes to get him back into her place. Maybe she just realized that this is serious and doesn’t want to see it happen. She should be ashamed of herself!
David asks…
How do you start a relationship with your daughter after divorce?
After my divorce my ex did everthing within her power to keep my and my daughter apart. So, I thought it would be best for my daughter to wait on her to contact me. The other day I was curious if she was going to graduate. I called one of the schools in her area and to my surprise, my daughter answered the phone. We talked for a few minutes and she thought it was neat that this happened. I called her 2 weeks later and as she was crying on the phone, she told me that she did not want to have any contact with me. I think this is another problem from her mom and now I dont know what to do. I explained some things to my daughter that I did to contact her, which she knew nothing about. She had no idea that I had called or written letters. While talking to her on the phone she acted almost the same way as before. Talkative and laughing, then got real quiet. Which meant her mom was in the room. She turns 18 next month, but she is still living at home.
Lukes Love Life answers:
Your situation sounds tenous at best and certainly I would agree that your ex-wife is exerting pressure and influence over your daughter regarding efforts to strain your relationship with her. The fact that your daughter now knows about your efforts to make contact and that now you have recently had direct contact with each other over the phone, has certainly not hurt your position with her.
My suggestion is to continue to practice the patience you have shown up to now and try to maintain at least this minimal contact with one another. Your daughter may be in a position where the mothers influence invloves aspects of her life on which she is still dependent and therefore may be putting her in a position of ‘loyalty’ to her mother, even though it would seem she would like it to be otherwise.
Your daughter is a young woman now, turning 18 and about to graduate high school. I would recommend giving this some time while making sure she knows that you would like very much to have more contact. Also, make her aware that you know this puts her in an awkward position. Tell her that you understand how difficult this is for her but that you are there for her when she feels ready to have more contact.
You don’t say if your daughter plans to go to college and if so would she still be living at home. If she chooses to go to college where she needs to live on campus or nearer to the facility then this would also open the door for more contact without her mothers interference.
Best Wishes !!
Richard asks…
Is it typical for a girl to be satisfied with just a “friends with benefits” relationship after a divorce
When me and my wife were together she was completely different, Back when we were married we had a great relationship. the only problem was she cared about me so much that it made her insecure about losing me. I guess some HATERS out there put it in her head that I was messing around behind her back though I never did. Now we’re divorced, And I’ve since moved out of state, Now she’s satisfied with messing around with guys without the commitment (A complete 180). Is this a typical thing to happen to women when they lose a good relationship.
Lukes Love Life answers:
Probably . Maybe those who are content find it’s better than being committed and having less freedom
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